On the Plane (Literally!) to Chicago!
April 2, 2009
Yes, another adventure awaits at least one of the Adventure Trio. Okay, the other 2 will have their’s this weekend minus Mama Bear.
I am literally about 20,000 up as I write this. It’s a full, FULL flight (not next to the, “May I pull up the divider between us because I’m too fat to fit in one seat” person), but many 98.6’s none the less. Seeing how long the boarding line was, I knew enough to head to the bar, order a double shot of Jaeger and head back to A10 to wait my turn. Ahhhhh, much better. And can you believe this?!? There were WHITE PEOPLE heading the counters at every turn!!! I know, I KNOW! I haven’t seen a tighty whitey employed at ANY airport in years! What gives? I mean, I even had one of the employees at the security line GIVE ME A SMILE! Wow. Blown away. Time for another shot…later…
As I waited in the newly devised Southwest “hurry up and wait” line, I scanned the audience for bombers, babies and bad-breakups. Oh, laugh if you will, but if you’ve ever been on a plane with any of those 3 it could be a looooooonnnng 4 hours (or a very short one with the bomber). I spotted at least 4 babies and one breakup-bawler. Gotta keep those in my peripheral. After that shot, I gladly stood in line behind the Wisconsinites returning home from their San Francisco tour, dontcha know.
After stepping on the plane and making the turn down I aisle, I scanned (x-rayed) the aisles for the babies and the bawler (no bomber, unless I’m sorely mistaken and I’ll see you all in hell). Spotted them all then went down my mental checklist – obese people, icky men, people who are sneezing and gabbers. Check, check and ooh! A window seat! Fortunately, I believe myself to be surrounded (or next to) two men who don’t fit any of the above criteria. Whew. As the middle dude was moving around getting situated in his 2-foot wide box, I proudly said aloud, “Hey, any closer and you’re going to have to by me dinner.” I think I made him nervous as he couldn’t stop jiggling his leg after. Not to worry, though, he’s asleep now. Yea me. Boo, turbulence. Thank god for Dramamine. Not that I get air sick, I just don’t want to find out. And all the flight attendants are gay men (insert Lance here). It’s a happy day for a couple o’ lucky fellows on this flight.
So, keep your fingers crossed that I have a safe flight, you get a chance to actually read this and Jen remembers (or even wants to) pick me up. Cheers to all and happy travels! Damn, I already have to pee…
April 2, 2009
Yes, another adventure awaits at least one of the Adventure Trio. Okay, the other 2 will have their’s this weekend minus Mama Bear.
I am literally about 20,000 up as I write this. It’s a full, FULL flight (not next to the, “May I pull up the divider between us because I’m too fat to fit in one seat” person), but many 98.6’s none the less. Seeing how long the boarding line was, I knew enough to head to the bar, order a double shot of Jaeger and head back to A10 to wait my turn. Ahhhhh, much better. And can you believe this?!? There were WHITE PEOPLE heading the counters at every turn!!! I know, I KNOW! I haven’t seen a tighty whitey employed at ANY airport in years! What gives? I mean, I even had one of the employees at the security line GIVE ME A SMILE! Wow. Blown away. Time for another shot…later…
As I waited in the newly devised Southwest “hurry up and wait” line, I scanned the audience for bombers, babies and bad-breakups. Oh, laugh if you will, but if you’ve ever been on a plane with any of those 3 it could be a looooooonnnng 4 hours (or a very short one with the bomber). I spotted at least 4 babies and one breakup-bawler. Gotta keep those in my peripheral. After that shot, I gladly stood in line behind the Wisconsinites returning home from their San Francisco tour, dontcha know.
After stepping on the plane and making the turn down I aisle, I scanned (x-rayed) the aisles for the babies and the bawler (no bomber, unless I’m sorely mistaken and I’ll see you all in hell). Spotted them all then went down my mental checklist – obese people, icky men, people who are sneezing and gabbers. Check, check and ooh! A window seat! Fortunately, I believe myself to be surrounded (or next to) two men who don’t fit any of the above criteria. Whew. As the middle dude was moving around getting situated in his 2-foot wide box, I proudly said aloud, “Hey, any closer and you’re going to have to by me dinner.” I think I made him nervous as he couldn’t stop jiggling his leg after. Not to worry, though, he’s asleep now. Yea me. Boo, turbulence. Thank god for Dramamine. Not that I get air sick, I just don’t want to find out. And all the flight attendants are gay men (insert Lance here). It’s a happy day for a couple o’ lucky fellows on this flight.
So, keep your fingers crossed that I have a safe flight, you get a chance to actually read this and Jen remembers (or even wants to) pick me up. Cheers to all and happy travels! Damn, I already have to pee…
posted by Adventure Chik at 7:38 AM
1 Comments:
You crack me up.
So not only do you not like my minivan, but you also wont sit next to me on a flight?!?!?! ;)
Have fun girlie!
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